At what point in our lives do we stop playing games and really exploit our true selves? To be relentless with scraping all layers and digging deep down to feel comfortable being the badass person you really are. Having that ruthless mentality that your happiness is more important than any other being in the world, that nothing or nobody can falter or break. To have so much concern for how your feeling and getting to that next level without the need to explain yourself to the world.
It’s that fucking time for me and I’m not saying that humbly.
I know where I come from. I know what I’m capable of. I know what I need to do to get where I want to be and that has to come with that ruthless mentality that makes me on that level already. Mentally, I need to pull out that savage inside me that has helped hold me together in my darkest times because I know that she is able to do the same for others. I’ve been humble my entire life, I’ll never lose that, but sometimes you gotta set back that person that apologizes for being confident and comfortable in their own skin. This next level of my life is going to need that shield of protection from those that will try to break this train of thought or tell me that I’m not good enough to do what I will. I can’t be a punk against assholes who tempt to break my spirit by telling me that I’m washed up or making comments about the effect this will make on my family. My team is ready to help me get where I need to be and EVERYTHING I’m capable of is through the support of my boys. As a mother and a wife, they understand that this new chapter requires me to focus on me and by doing this I’m creating a life that not only makes me happy but gives me something to make them proud. Mommy needs to focus.
“Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.”
I’ve been getting signs of light and energy lately that comfort me with being really authentic and not worrying about the repercussions of feedback. I’m putting an album at 33 years old. It’s all me. The highs, the lows, my love, my heart, my trauma and my fears. It’s scary to throw out your art hoping people like it but knowing that not everyone will. That’s the reason why I never really put out a project when I was really in the Chicago music scene, I just never could get behind it and I didn’t feel like it really represented me the way I wanted. It’s taken years of therapy, self awareness, tears, breakups, makeups, a baby, and a teenager (among other things). I don’t want to be anything but myself right now and it’s such a beautiful thing but it must be protected. I’m genuinely a sweet person. I don’t live my life with bad intentions against ANYONE. I’ve learned early on that vengeance is the Lords and any wrong doings that have been made against me is His and His only. People haven’t been able to see the savage that I can take myself to in a split second, need be. This warrior that has seen so much and talks to me on a daily with persistence and grit. To remind me who I am and how far I’ve come. That tells me to step up my game and work harder even though life may tell me that I don’t have to. That screams at me as I’m hitting 150 floors on the stair master just because it’s Monday. I need everyone to know that this beast has saved my life in so many ways because she is stronger than anything than I could’ve expected for myself. I should be dead right now but she has kept me alive, a reflection of my ancestors, the great Zapotec tribe of Oaxaca and the land of Jamay, Jalisco. A South Chicago no nonsense bitch who will slap the fuck out of you for disrespecting me.
She is who is showing up for me in these next few months. Don’t like it? She don’t care. I want you to but she really doesn’t give a fuck. XOChicago (pronounced “so Chicago”) is a reflection of my true self. Xochitl disassociates with her as a tax paying adult working in Corporate America and living the “American Dream” because society tells us that it’s not appropriate for a 33 year old wife and mother to be creative, sexy, and raw.
Welcome to the XOChicago show. Album drops Summer 2021.
God loves you and so do I.
-XO