The vision of the American Dream is to work hard and live prosperously with your family in a beautiful home with a white picket fence. Working your entire life to finally retire at 65 (maybe 75 by the time I get there) and get the chance to live the life you’ve always wanted on a awesome pension, no worries at all. We’ve become so wrapped up in what we want in life that we forget about the things we need.
What does one really need? The thin line between need and want can get blurry at times and the American Dream that we all have hoped for has now become a race to buy the world. A pleasure that lasts only a moment, filling a void that will last a lifetime. Materials that seem to have so much significance in today’s society because of the emotional attachment we get from our wants without ever fulfilling our needs.
A ten day vacation to Mexico has slowly but surely erased those blurred lines and has become a deep rooted permanent visualization of what I need and what I want.
Although this isn’t my first time in my fathers hometown of Jamay, Jalisco my 12 year old self could never recognize the simplicity needed in life to survive the daily crazy routine. America is a machine. A nonstop energy driven monster that consumes our existence, every single day. As a kid I had no comprehension of what an adult deals with on a regular basis. How the stresses of daily routine to achieve the essence of the American Dream captures our lives. As if all of our hard work is in vain because in our minds, we still have not won. The essential needs of our hearts and mind are coddled by the purchases we make. The bigger your house, the better you’ll live. The more money you make, the more you’ll spend. It’s an endless cycle of chasing success. Never taking a moment to breathe in the success that has already been achieved. We ignore our achievements because it’s never where we want to be in life. It is never enough.
My mind before this trip had been in pieces. Due to my effects of PTSD, every so often my mind doubts my existence. My struggle to make myself happy has always haunted me. I’ve become my own worst enemy and all of my success can in an instant, become mush. After I had my child at 18 years old, I vowed to never let myself become a statistic. Even through my hardest times as a single mother making $7.25 an hour, I refused help. I continuously pressured my mind to believe everything I had was not enough. Today at 30 years old I’ve given my son a great life with the high school diploma I received a year late when he was a mere 2 weeks old. He never knew what it was like to live without, to go hungry, or to live in squalor. I bought my first home with a man that has been such a pillar in my kids life, a man I promised myself I deserved. After years of dead end jobs in customer service management, I worked myself to a high paying position with even better benefits at the biggest law firm by revenue in the world. I am no longer the statistic stereotype the world boxed me in when I had my child. I have achieved everything my heart has desired and I turned my dreams into existence. It still wasn’t good enough. My mind had been pressured so hard, never stopping to see the blessings I already had achieved. I hadn’t stopped in 12 years.
19 years of disconnect from a place that has hundreds of years of my families history, one would think I wouldn’t be accepted. That my life in the states would make me a gringo, not a part of this history that was built from dirt. That my lack of Spanish and American lifestyle would make me an outsider, the way America views Mexican immigrants today in the reign of a racist bigot. I was wrong. The simplicity of life in a town that has so little materialistically yet so much passion and love came as a culture shock to a woman that has never let go of that pressure. This embracing love that has come from strangers in the street, with greetings at all moments of the day. Children as young as 3 years old helping their parents with their small businesses that line the street in the front of their homes, without want, without complaint, and without any care in the world. A peace that I had yearned for my entire adult life that was achieved by a child. How could I be so selfish? In a world that has given me so many blessings I had forgotten to breathe.
I’ve come to Mexico a frail and broken woman and I am leaving a strong member of a family that has been built off hard work and most of all, love. Attending church with my grandmother to see a community wait and pray for 25 of its members to confess their sins in the comfort of a small, unairconditioned church in the middle of the barrio. As I stared at my beautifully manicured nails, with my Coach watch on my arm, and the beautiful diamond ring on my left hand ring finger I realized that none of that mattered here. That the content of my character was not based on the high quality makeup on my face but the fact that I was there, praying patiently with members of the community. Two and a half hours of my life that will always be significant. Walking to the alter with my 80 year old grandmother, with commissary style slippers on her feet, I felt one with myself. I felt absolutely blessed to be in this moment, with 60 other members of this simple town with nothing to show for themselves but the love in their hearts. Nothing to give but the peace they offered to God. A humbling moment that can never be compared to the numerous events I’ve attended, the countless interviews with celebrities, the vacations filled with luxury, or the unlimited of funds I’ve spent to achieve the feeling I had kneeling at this alter. I had been accepted in a place that I had ignored for 19 years and I had never felt so free.
At a time that our lives in America have been tested, with an unsure future of safety and security, a piece of me will be here. Remembering the simplicity and tranquility of those with nothing. The love of family that may not understand my words but have healed my searching soul, with no judgement or bias. I am considered rich here but I was so poor in appreciation. Humbled, embraced, and loved beyond any language barrier I am rich. A need in my life I never knew my heart needed. I am blessed beyond words to spend time in a town that wants not and needs not. An easy life that may not pay well & has no insurance benefits but has the love and passion to change a woman who has always doubted herself. No doubt, I will always have my problems. A disease that will haunt me possibly for a lifetime but will never control me past this point. The missing piece of my soul is in the heart of Jamay city, with a group of the richest people in the world.